Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
