I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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