i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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