Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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