im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
