Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How external is "for external use only"?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
