so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
