He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize