Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
