Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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