Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
