I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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