They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
