dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize