I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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