Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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