Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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