hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
