I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
