Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
