HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
