Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
