My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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