I cockslap morals
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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