i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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