8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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