4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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