The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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