im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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