I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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