Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
