dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
