just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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