Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
