I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
