I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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