'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
