3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
