I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she peed on how many people?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
