She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
