I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You ruined the universe
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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