i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Couch. On fire.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
