I have demons in me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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