I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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