I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
