you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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