He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize