low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is it penis luge time yet?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
