I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
