her vagine was all disorganized.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
