just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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