Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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