I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
