Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
