You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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