So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
