your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think my moral compass just broke
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
