It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
