when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
