my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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