he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
