Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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