If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
