the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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