god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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