What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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