can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
