How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
