Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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