Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Come on in and take your pants off
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