Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
