Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize